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Monday, June 18, 2007
work & films...
12 days of working is no joke... groanz. to work on a saturday and a sunday... with the rainy weather tempting you back into bed.. double groanz. and it's taking a toll on my health again. i rem telling grace that day on msn when we were chatting about our weird work habits now, and she said she eats more than usual now, and for me, i can do without food, but i can't do without sleep. i get depressed, angry and my body suffers when i don't get at least 8 hours of sleep a day, so on days when i have to survive on 4-5 hrs, i usu have to pay back the sleep debt on weekends or other days by sleeping 10-12 hrs sleep a day. this time round, i have to survive on my little-sleep, non-stop working for 12 days planning for 2 programmes/workshops. my body is already failing me by showing signs of tummyache and fever yest. not good. i do wonder how grace and the other people in my centre and those people out there who can clock in 12-hour work days, do even more work when they get back home and sleep 3-4 hours a day. it's pretty insane in my opinion.
but then they are superhuman, and i never profess to be one. i know i cannot work like that, and so when i need to rest, i rest. but when i am not allowed to rest, well, i would get grouchy, sick and spout alot of nonsense and think alot of nonsense too. yest nite, my sister had to heat up my soup for me, and mum had to make hot milo and apply medicated oil on my rebelling tummy, whilst i laid like an invalid on mum's bed. it's pretty pathetic.
at least ling is loved=) despite some disappointing people and events, and despite the insane workdays (which i should still be grateful for cos they prevent me from thinking a little too much... still think yes, but when i get busy, they still managed to keep my thoughts from running too wild), i am still much loved by dear family and friends.
*****
watched "spider lilies" with debi... hmmm.. haha maybe it's too much of a R21 movie to bring her for the first time. i knew she was feeling uncomfy at some scenes. but for me, the film was wad i needed for my state of mind these few days. images of the scenes still haunts my mind now. the story was simplistically easy to understand-- the innocent crush that flourished into bewildering, confusing adult lust and love, and the love story, albeit the homosexual content, totally fits into what i think of adult lust and love nowadays. i felt for Jade, in the scene where she broke down in front of Takeko. That aside, i think the filming and the acting was really quite good for 2 pretty faces. Isabella and Rainie had to go through "lesbian camp training" to bring out the scenes in the entirety of their emotions as i read from an article, and it paid off. i cun help tearing when i saw the needful way they made out--if one would just kindly throw the porn part aside, you would be able to appreciate the beauty in the overwhelming emotions of the scenes, how their loneliness was surfaced in the way they clung to each other. how they tried to seek physical warmth to warm the chill in their hearts, how they seeked comfort from each other to try to soothe the gaping hurt in their lives, but to little avail. Humans are cheap is the sentiment that keeps running through my mind. Loneliness is what most of us are afraid of at this age, and we seek for comfort in various ways (through work, through dates, through self-deception, through false hopes), and this leads to more mysteries shrouded around our true emotions, clouding even us from what we truly feel and wanna feel, hence leading to many of us saying "i really dunno what to do, what i should do". BULL. These are excuses cos we are too weak to face our true emotions, lies to cloud us from seeing the truth. that is exactly wad i think of adult emotions now. so i totally agree with Jade when she said, "the one who changed isn't the child. it's the adult."
and a sentiment from MARS (my fave taiwan serial) keeps running through my mind on this too... " Humans are just a pile of walking bodies... not in the least beautiful."
if only i can remember the innocent smile of a child, the beginnings of us. if only i can recover my beauty of humans.
oh and this film could well send me on my way to becoming a bi. *naughty grins*
next up, shrek 3 and silver surfer. should be watching alone unless some of u dear people wanna accompany a lonely me? *sweet smile* should balance out my heavy films with some light-hearted candy.
Shu Ling Estrella @ 11:08 AM ~*~ |
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