|
Friday, January 13, 2006
I can't believe I'm crying cos i feel fat.. ewww.. what's wrong with me?
How can I pull myself out of this abyss and lie to myself that it doesn't matter that I'm fat?
Why can't I get over this stage? tell myself there's beyond my fatness. there's more.. blah blah blah...
Sorry if i made yall angry that I sound like this... but i can't stop feeling fat. and i can't stop demeaning myself. and i can't stop ranting.
Shu Ling Estrella @ 1:20 AM ~*~ |
**~~**~*~*~~*~*~~*~*~*~**~~*~*~*~*~~**~~**
I'm in one of my fat moods.. the kind of mood where I see my bulging tummy, bloated thighs, flabby arms, rounder-than-the-15th-moon face and think... "ewww.. obese. gross".
sigh. and it doesn't help that the Lunar New Year is around the corner.. and it's the season of scrutiny and criticism.. 'oooh.. you have grown so fat'... 'why's your complexion so terrible'.. ' gosh... what have you beeeeeeen doing to yourself???!!!' ewww...
I'm trying not to feel like that. trying to immerse myself in bible verses that remind me that there's a God up there who still loves me...(Or will He think I have been abusing my body cos I have overeaten to this fat state?) trying to remember there are friends who love me all the same..
and you guys have been so sweet.. Thanks flo, xianyu, ida, ruth, sylvia for the smses and notes of concern this first week of school. and grace!! thanks for the company and silent support in school... sigh.. I really wish I'll stop demeaning myself.. but what I keep seeing is the fat bulging everywhere and the fear of CNY.
Can CNY just skip by and can, like grace said, everyone walk naked.. unashamed, unadorned, uncovered....??
and I still feel fat. and I can't sleep.
Shu Ling Estrella @ 1:04 AM ~*~ |
**~~**~*~*~~*~*~~*~*~*~**~~*~*~*~*~~**~~**
Sunday, January 08, 2006
a new term...
I am starting my new school term tomorrow with some apprehension, i don't deny...
I am sorry for the lack of blogs here in the past month plus..
I know I owe alot of photos, blogs and new year resolutions in this space... but I haven't been in a very blogging mood.
Slowly Ok? i will soon upload all the pictures before facing yet another year with some apprehension.
Actually the year has already started. oh well. I am slow.
My mind is rather muddled now.. filled with worries, tension and a mist of vague resolutions for the new year..
Maybe I should start with some light-hearted stuff, like some of my new desires and cravings and loves, all material of course:)
That should set the mood for more serious things:)
(watch my right column!!)
Shu Ling Estrella @ 9:01 PM ~*~ |
**~~**~*~*~~*~*~~*~*~*~**~~*~*~*~*~~**~~**
|
