|
Wednesday, April 27, 2005
my world of diverse friends
it never cease to amaze me the different kinds of friends i have whenever i read their blogs. i dun have many, but each friend is very much my very own individual friend. i dun really have a clique anymore. more like individual friends tt i hung out with or talk to separately.
they are really made up of different kinds of calibre. there's the ambitious, the easily contented, the adventurous, the shy, the extrovert, the introvert, the overseas dream, the heartlander, the academically-hardworking, the slack, the one tt derives as much fun as possible out of life, the one tt worries for the future, the indecisive, the go-getter, the english-inclined, the chinese-inclined, the family-lover, the friends-lover, the one tt lives for the other half... there are so many kinds tt i may forget to name all and i may not be aware of the diversity till i next see them.
sometimes i do wonder how is it tt i can be friends with them all? wun i just idenify with one kind? i wonder where the source of friendship came from.. i'm not exactly close to one and all but it never cease to amaze me the many different kinds of people i have crossed paths with over the years. perhaps my question really is where is the link?
a friend who had once been close to me told me b4 tt maybe there is really no link. why shd there be a link to a friendship? maybe our views really differ on this. i do thk tt it is a link tt binds two ppl tger and when the link is demolished or ceases to exist, there is really nth one can do to hold on to the rs. bcos it's when both parties think they have seen each other through and through and can no longer even tolerate each other's weaknesses. whatever this link is, love, mutual trust, mutual support, a soft spot, similar viewpoints, age of friendship, whatever... i still feel the link is very impt. or put it this way, the very last thg holding them both tger is only tolerance and when even this tolerance has been torn down, it's when both parties realise the test has failed.
i thk i'm looking at this very much like a business partnership. when the contract and terms are settled upon, there is nothing more for the 2 parties to continue their relationship. i do hope i am not. but my past experiences led me to realise tt once a friend has fulfilled his/her purpose in your life, he/she has to go. whether the purpose is to let u cherish future relationships with others, or teach ya something about yourself, or just tt he/she has to leave bcos both of your paths are increasingly moving away from each other, to the point tt your hearts arent even linked anymore. when the last thread holding to the relationship is only tt tolerance of each other, it's the cue to the end of the rs. when even tt tolerance is diminished, it's time to bid adieu.
rite now, although i dun have a best friend, a super-close friend or a clique of hangout buddies anymore, and i' m still learning to live with the idea of a world of friends tt are not all close to me, i still am grateful. grateful tt all the friends in my world are still there with me. this encompasses those whom i even lost contact with, or who i once crossed paths with. grateful tt God made my world of friends colourful with its diversity. grateful tt despite the diversities of my friends, each and every one cares for me and supports in their own way when i need it. grateful for all the different faces, the same heart to our friendships. the diverse yet present link to our friendships.
Shu Ling Estrella @ 4:28 PM ~*~ |
**~~**~*~*~~*~*~~*~*~*~**~~*~*~*~*~~**~~**
i'm nuts
xin xue lai chao.. decide to change my blogskin..
its the exam stress la.. heh.
and then i was playing ard and modifying the blogskin and came up with this. *proud of myself* heh. i added the images above myself from another blogskin. know how to use photobucket now!
will modify it more when i have time.
yawns. nites.
Shu Ling Estrella @ 5:19 AM ~*~ |
**~~**~*~*~~*~*~~*~*~*~**~~*~*~*~*~~**~~**
tired...
am utterly drained today.. 2 papers in a day is no joke.
was so wanting to go hm after the first morning paper. as i watched longingly while my fellow module mates headed homeward, i trudged to an isolated bench in the old admin block with my lunch and attempted to study for the next 5 hours for my evening paper. fell asleep twice. started panicking only when my friend came to find me and i realise i cant remember anythg.
i have never been enthu for exams but this got to be the worst semester ever. i was oredi in a holiday mood after my first paper and literally just skimming thru my notes and articles. not in the least inclined to study at all. sighz. someone please smack me.
maybe i spent too much daydreaming and procrastinatin. bleargh. not good. like yest's fiasco where i was blogging thrice when i have 2 papers today. double bleargh.
i need some settlement. i feel like i'm still fumbling. searching for sth.. answers?? at a very wrong time when i shd be focussed on my books. i can only be distracted to a certain degree from my tots when i'm studyin. where's my willpower?
triple bleargh. the mind/heart/brain is not where it's sposed to be. its going haywire. one moment i'm blogging that kind of stuff on my blog. another moment, i feel i was going to be okay and the stuff i blogged is done only in a momentary fit of frustration. another moment, i dun think there's any settlement at all. another moment i thk i have found my inner peace.
Father Lord.. please hear my appeal to You. tell me what i have to do, guide me from the distractions and disturbances. let me find my true inner peace. let the feelings spill out once and for all, no more. let me forget. if only i can forget. help me erase all the deep marks and scars. let me start afresh. help me. amen.
Shu Ling Estrella @ 12:53 AM ~*~ |
**~~**~*~*~~*~*~~*~*~*~**~~*~*~*~*~~**~~**
Tuesday, April 26, 2005
rising above the waters..
Browning said sth that struck me.
"Ah, but a man's reach should exceed his grasp, or what's a heaven for?"
i dun wan to sink into the easy human weakness of saying 'after all, it's human nature to do so and so, think so and so, feel so and so..' maybe it's the guideline for me to reach beyond my pathetic little realm, for the perfection God sketched out for us.
i may fall. fumble. but i will learn.
i have lots to learn. and ultimately, the one making the journey has to be me.
i am not mature enough to say more. i will learn as i walk. share my experiences if u r willing to listen. listen when u share urs with me. learn and share. share and learn.
Shu Ling Estrella @ 1:03 AM ~*~ |
**~~**~*~*~~*~*~~*~*~*~**~~*~*~*~*~~**~~**
lyrics courtesy of Keane's "Bedshaped" and Jet's "Look What You've Done"
missing that someone in your life.....
i realise, from a lot of blogs, when one is missing someone, or remembering the sweet memories of a past, tt past is usually a past with the significant other half.
Many the lives we lived in each day
And buried altogether
maybe i'm unable to understand the emotions tt entails in missing a lost other half. since i have nv been in a rs b4. but i wonder the significance of missing this significant other half often on their parts. why is it tt this memory normally entails more, leaves a more indelible mark or generates one to miss this other half across space and time, more than the loss of say, a friend? or a loved family member?
its not to say we dun miss lost friends or lost family members. or dun mention them as if they never existed. but i come to realise even for people i thk are ppl who can cope with loss v well, who know when and how to let go, whenever they talk of missing someone, seldom does it entails a lost friend.. or a lost family member. more often, it's reminiscing on a lost magic of a relationship.
why is that if love, L-O-V-E in the BGR sense, tt is often said for people to be part of a life, becomes, like i see, the whole or major part of ppl's lives? whether its reminscing on a lost magic, or missing the memories, or wishing to have the person in ur life again, or wanting another significant other... it's always about A Significant Other. i dun see stories of "i want to have another best friend." "I wish my sis/mum is back with me."
maybe i happen to be the sentimental fool, or a foolish fool, who reminisces alot on every lost human relationship. or maybe its bcos i havent had a significant other yet. so i dunno what's it's like to lose a significant other.
Don't laugh at me
Don't look away
i miss every lost close friend i had. blogged abt them. diaried abt them. i miss my lost aunt. i miss my sisters when i have a major quarrel with them. and i blogged abt every single one.
or is it tt those frens i lost, maybe i hadn't mattered enough to be missed?
And I don't understand the same things as you
i thk i may have mattered alot. but after all, at the end of the day, maybe i have not mattered enuff to be talked abt, blogged abt, or missed as time goes by. what was missed was the "wrong" relationship they felt they have entered. or the neither-here-nor-there relationship. or the relationship that they felt was wrong from the start. or the relationship that left them with a bitter taste in their mouths.
not a friend who had always been there. who had spent alot of happy memories. cried, shared, laughed, held hands with.
or maybe it's up to the individual really. i just find it curious that people tend to blog more on a failed significant other when they reminisce rather than a failed friendship.
Give me back my point of view
'Cause I just can't think for you
And dark will go
In white light
I don't think so
But what do I know?
Shu Ling Estrella @ 12:43 AM ~*~ |
**~~**~*~*~~*~*~~*~*~*~**~~*~*~*~*~~**~~**
Monday, April 25, 2005
lyrics courtesy of Keane's "Bedshaped" and Jet's "Look What You've Done"
i was cramming last bits of info into my brain for the 2 papers later today and i decide to take a short break and navigate awhile. actually wanted to check out some exam papers too which my fren says she has problems accessing.
visited some blogs to see wad my frens been up to.
i come to realise tt i'm not good in handling loss. i read a blog of an old friend of mine, who had once been v close to me, and bittersweet feelings arose when i remembered memories, reminded of the links we had. how i came to realise tt the other party nv understood how the links had affected me cos i'm not a good handler with loss. and the feeling of sadness i repressed when i realised i wasn't tt much a part of the memories the other party had missed. or so it seemed.
you think I'm holding you down
i remember too much. hold on too tight. na de qi, fang bu xia. how lil thgs like most of the pics my old frens posted on their blogs were mostly taken by me, yet dun incl me. angry tt i cant forget. cant forget the happy smiles of yesterday, the bitterness of today.
am sad tt it still can affect me. realise tt until i learn how to handle loss, how to cope with loss, how to put loss behind me, else i would be wasting my life, losing more people and making a mess of my own life.
even as i tried not to be affected, even as i try to repress the feelings, numbify myself, i realise i cannot totally do so. even turning to venting my feelings in my diary, pouring these feelings on my blog.. i still cannot deny them.
'Cause all that's left has gone away
And there's nothing there for you to do
how do i learn to cope with loss? along with my self-journey of learning to love thyself, i guess tts gotta be another project of mine for the coming summer holidays.
You'll follow me back
With the sun in your eyes
And on your own
Bedshaped
holidays, please come quickly. grant me my answers, teach me wad u have to offer. put a blanket over my sorrows. heal me with your time.
And dark will go
In white light
I don't think so
But what do I know?
Shu Ling Estrella @ 11:53 PM ~*~ |
**~~**~*~*~~*~*~~*~*~*~**~~*~*~*~*~~**~~**
Friday, April 22, 2005
phew! tragedy paper is finally over today... it was a tragedy really.. but who cares?? it's over!!
the thing i hate abt first papers is i end up spending too much time worrying over it and preparing for it w'out considering the other papers.. ok blame it on my bad time mgmt la.. anw oso dint prep much.. sighz.. thanks to my period. this time one was super bad.. dunno why. normally the cramps would be gone after a few hours and a couple cups of hot milo. this time i had 3 big cups of hot milo, syl even gave me 2 painkillers and the pain went on the whole day.. tt was yesterday.. i was clutching my stomach thru'out the nite.. needless to say, i dint do much last-min prep neither did i rest well. oh wellz.. its over.. anw the thg i like abt first papers is tt it gets the momentum going, and normally from the day on, the other papers pass much faster.. big grins..
oredi i'm planning a list of things to do for my summer hols.. i mean to keep myself busy.. cos i realise, i really do think tooooo much when i have nothing to do.. or when i'm too often alone. i do still like alone time, but maybe it's time to mix around again.
i guess i always inevitably think abt the same stuff when i'm left alone, whh is why now i realise it's not good for me to be left alone most of the time. i dun like it. dun like it when i think abt someone and i know the other party doesn't miss me, or think abt me as much. dun like it when i keep thinking. dun like it when i think of the memories.
my sis thinks i'm foolish at times. she tells me not to give my heart so readily away to ppl. to have a barrier. i thk she knows i'm too inclined to forgive. she knows tt if those ppl who hurt me from the past come back to me, i'll forgive and take them back.
i dun like it when i get too soft too. cos i know i get too sentimental and vulnerable easily. i wanna be hard. be strong. be more independent.
yet i'm thankful at the same time tt i still am able to feel. to love. what will happen if i really numbify myself? i may really be invulnerable, but will i be able to live with myself then?
i like wat flo told me. she says she treats all her frens as if she nv been hurt. treat all the new ones the same. cos she believes frens are a big impt part of life. she has optimism with all her frens despite her hurt experiences. i like tt. like tt using a newborn child's eye to look at human relationships in general.
actually i know all i need is to find my own way and be happy with it. i know i'll always miss my old friends. know i can't forget the hurts. but i know i'll heal. one day. time will take care of it. however and whatever it takes. for now, i know all i need to do is just to seek to be happy. guess tts most impt b4 anythg else is to come.
i actually had a brief venture back into tt realm again... but with my opened eyes now. and i dint like it. dint like the complexities and miseries tt narrowed realm comprises. i know my life is more than those few friends. i know i have so much more waiting for me to experience. to know. to embrace. and i know the renewed shuling will resurface soon.
and for now, it's back to my spore lit novel and the new cd i bought. it's a compilation of new and old, chinese and english songs called bi(4) shang(4) yan(3) jing(1) qu(4) lui(3) xing(3)---travel light. a soothing compilation perfect for both studying and relaxing to. i got it for only $12.90 at music junction.. bargain rite??
ok guys, ciao.
Shu Ling Estrella @ 11:23 PM ~*~ |
**~~**~*~*~~*~*~~*~*~*~**~~*~*~*~*~~**~~**
Friday, April 15, 2005
i got my new speakers today!!! creative travelsound 200!!! its a cool lil gadget tt takes up less than 20cm of my desk.. ooooh baby!!!
heh.. imagine... an air con room, a nice soft bed, with beautiful music floating from the speakers connected to my sony discman...
ahhhhh... one of the highs of life.
cool little tech gadgets get me on high these days... tho this lil baby set me back by $99..
on another happy note, hung out with flo today.. this girl is seriously my kai xin guo..heh.. makes me laugh endlessly.. yest met up e da to cele her bday and try to study.. really attempt.. haha.. i'm really blessed with these treasures of frens in my life..
love ya all, each and every one of u who has played a part in my dull life, making it so much brighter..:) hugs!!!!!
Shu Ling Estrella @ 12:05 AM ~*~ |
**~~**~*~*~~*~*~~*~*~*~**~~*~*~*~*~~**~~**
Thursday, April 14, 2005
heh.. imagine... an air con room, a nice soft bed, with beautiful music floating from the speakers connected to my sony discman...
ahhhhh... one of the highs of life.
cool little tech gadgets get me on high these days...
on another happy note, hung out with flo today.. this girl is seriously my kai xin guo..heh.. makes me laugh endlessly.. yest met up e da to cele her bday and try to study.. really attempt.. haha.. i'm really blessed with these treasures of frens in my life..
love ya all, each and every one of u who has played a part in my dull life, making it so much brighter..:) hugs!!!!!
Shu Ling Estrella @ 11:48 PM ~*~ |
**~~**~*~*~~*~*~~*~*~*~**~~*~*~*~*~~**~~**
Monday, April 11, 2005
another probably uninteresting entry about my state of academic work.
seriously.
i could be getting cranky. as in old-woman, moody old cranky. cranky enough to respond to the cab-driver's comment that they are widening the Bukit Timah road so that traffic would be more smooth-going in future with a dumb question like "oh are they building a flyover?" when he has oredi said that they are widening the road and there is of cos no sign of a flyover in visible sight. cranky enough to be taking 2 cab rides. to and fro NUS just to hand in a freaking term paper. actually i dun need to take a cab ride back home but my malfunctioning mind was just screamin to me to just get out of the freaking campus as soon as i can, so i hopped into the first cab i could see. complete with jap curry rice for my sis and i for dinner plus 2 desserts to reward myself for completing the last term paper of the semester.
actually i dun even deserve a reward. i have not been at all good and hardworking to say the least this sem at all. ok lets take a reality check:
5 term papers
- EN3263 Spore Lit Assignment 1 (worth 25% of the module, meaning one-quarter of the module): C+
- SC3202 Race and Ethnic Relations soci paper(worth 30% i think): C+
- EN3268 Tragedy lit paper(worth 10%): C/C+ (a tragedy indeed)
- SC3101 Social Thought and Social Theory soci paper (worth 20%): grade yet decided
- EN3263 Spore Lit Assignment 2 (again worth 25%, meaning the 2 assignments alone are worth half the module. now i wonder wat mess i have gotten myself into): just handed in today. grade yet decided.
it is seriously not looking good. at least in the past semesters, i have a couple of As and Bs to cushion all the Cs, but this sem is looking bleak. very bleak. it could be my worst semester to date. that is, besides yr 1 sem 1. someone pls give me a smack to wake me up. no one in her/his right mind would dun give a heck over this kind of grades, ok unless he's a bigger slacker than this oredi very big slacker here. ok and all the talk about how grades do not matter, they dun reflect u as a person blah blah. much am i grateful to my frens who keep encouraging me, however, in all academic sense, it does matter!!!! thats becos i know im oredi cannot make it for honours, and my only hope is graduate with a decent pass. a merit. and dun even talk abt disappointing all those frens, family who have so much faith in me. i thk the person i have let down most is myself. cos i know i'm capable of better. so lets start blaming all the holidays this semester that have cropped up and totally interrupted the whole schedule, the crankier-than-me weather who decides one day it wants to burn on u till u become a sweating, roasting pig(and at the same time, burn ur brain cells along with it too) or on its better-mood days, decides to give you a shower or two which doesn't help to eliminate the cranky heat anyway, lets start blaming the drowsy bug that has been flying around and convincing me that more sleep is good, the procrastinator bug that tells me i need a break, to the point that i start to do my term papers only on the night before it is due. and i will not. i shall only blame myself for my lack of concentration and willpower. the times i have succumbed to sleep and temptation of just another hour of tv. and today even worse. i only managed to complete my last term paper on the dot. lying to my 2 frens from two modules separately that i cant go in to lessons cos i'm sick. and would they pls be so kind to tell me if i miss anything in the last lectures of the modules. and one of them even very kindly typed up and emailed me a revision of what they had done today. so shoot me. i have lied and still angels exist. chocs to her man. and chocs to frens who have encouraged me still despite my laziness, encouraged my slowly depleting confidence, who have helped me look over my papers, who have sent sms of encouragement to push me to get on with my paper when i'm on the verge of giving up. and smacks for me for being so lazy. i swear i gotta buck up for the exams. two weeks are all i have. two weeks to mug a full 12-weeks worth of work. wadever. i have been lazy long enough. to get a decent pass in this exam. reality check: gotta come up with a study plan tonite plus dld whatever lect notes i have not dlded yet. i give anyone the priviledge of smacking me on the head or hand or leg or butt if i dare be lazy again. :"(
Shu Ling Estrella @ 6:18 PM ~*~ |
**~~**~*~*~~*~*~~*~*~*~**~~*~*~*~*~~**~~**
Thursday, April 07, 2005
no way.....1st. i'll look gross
2.i'll slip into post and pre natal depression
3. i mite end up killing myself or throwing the kid outta the window wen it cries non stop
4. i tink babies are damn ugly creatures...
5. they grow up to be monsters
i tink i can go on listing manz....
but yea....will neva be caught pregnant manz.....
hahahah i dun haf anything against those whiney wimpy creatures....
i juz cun phantom how ppl can cooble and oodle on and on bt how cute they look....lite moments after they pop their miserable little red bodies into this world manz.....
i mean....wah lau....they look like crap la...all red and wrinkly....i tink my granny looks better and less scary la....
and goodness....how ppl actually say " look! the kid's got his father's eyes and his mum's ears....blah blah blah"
they dun look like anything thing but a wrinkled lump and ppl can make such remarks...manz...sometimes i tink they muz haf a crystal ball in in their pupils manz....
to be able to see such resemblance in wrinkled little things....
a conversation i was having with a friend where we were talking abt pregnancy issues and she listed a string of reasons why she wun ever get pregnant. shes got to be one-of-a-kind on this. but i guess we all have diffnt opinions where babies are concerned. some ppl they are cute. some thk they are a source of joy. and yet some thk they are fugly little monsters. the world is made up of all kinds of ppl man.
Shu Ling Estrella @ 11:49 PM ~*~ |
**~~**~*~*~~*~*~~*~*~*~**~~*~*~*~*~~**~~**
i been missing s certain someone. a certain someone who have crossed my life and we shared a brief closeness, or so i think. even in that complicated life once upon my life. maybe its this period where i see so many blissfully happy couples tt this person is creeping back into my mind. sometimes i wonder wad wud happen if i had met him in another context? somewhere else? at school? at JC? at uni? at a module? thru another fren? at a social gathering? at a job? at a bookstore where we'll reach for the same book? or even at archery last time?
wud thgs have happened differently?
i guess i'll never know.
what if what if what if.......
life is made up of too many what ifs and thus too much regrets.
Shu Ling Estrella @ 11:26 PM ~*~ |
**~~**~*~*~~*~*~~*~*~*~**~~*~*~*~*~~**~~**
i have concussed since two of my term papers were handed in on monday, and tho technically i'm not let off the hook yet since i got one last one due next monday, i'm so fucking tired i dun care liao.
im bloggin v narrowly nowadays. work, life in general, wad i do everyday. but dun care also. i have longed for this period of peace for so long. a peace of no drama happenings everyday, no this-and-that-happened-to-him-or-her and i have to work myself up over it.
other than dragging myself out of the house today to study and have dinner, i basically have been doing nothing but going to school and hiding in my little hole at home. doing nothing.
ahh.. the art of doing nothing.
and what do i care abt snide comments of isolation or hermitism or not growing up cos no experience thru happenings?
i'm fucking enjoyin my little world. fucking enjoying being a little worm in my little wormy world digging my little wormy hole.
a happy happy worm.
cos how many wud want a life as mine and never know the art of doing nothing?
hahaha wad am i talking? am i sprouting rubbish again? here's the effect of doing nothing.
bleargh.
Shu Ling Estrella @ 10:50 PM ~*~ |
**~~**~*~*~~*~*~~*~*~*~**~~*~*~*~*~~**~~**
Sunday, April 03, 2005
One of my fave, feel-good songs
"My Boo"(feat. Alicia Keys)
[Usher intro:]
There's always that one person
That will always have your heart
You never see it coming
Cause you're blinded from the start
Know that you're that one for me
It's clear for everyone to see
Ooh baby ooh you'll always be my boo
[Alicia intro:]
I don't know bout cha'll
But I know about us and uh
It's the only way
We know how to rock
I don't know bout cha'll
But I know about us and uh
It's the only way
We know how to rock
[Usher Verse:]
Do you remember girl
I was the one who gave you your first kiss
Cause I remember girl
I was the one who said put your lips like this
Even before all the fame and
People screaming your name
Girl I was there when you were my baby
[Chorus:][Usher:]
It started when we were younger
You were mine my boo
Now another brother's taken over
But its still in your eyes my boo
Even though we used to argue it's alright
I know we haven't seen each other
In a while but you will always be my boo
[Alicia:]
I was in love with you when we were younger
You were mine my boo
And I see it from time to time
I still feel like my boo
And I can see it no matter
How I try to hide my boo
Even though there's another man who's in my life
You will always be my boo
[Alicia Verse:]
Yes I remember boy
Cause after we kissedI
could only think about your lips
Yes I remember boy
The moment I knew you were the one I could spend my life with
Even before all the fame
And people screaming your name
I was there and you were my baby
[Chorus:]
[Usher:]
It started when we were younger
You were mine my boo
Now another brother's taken over
But its still in your eyes my boo
Even though we used to argue it's alright
I know we haven't seen each other
In a while but you will always be my boo
[Alicia:]
I was in love with you when we were younger
You were mine my boo
And I see it from time to time
I still feel like my boo
And I can see it no matter
How I try to hide my boo
Even though there's another man who's in my life
You will always be my boo
[Usher:]
My oh, My oh, My oh, My oh, My Boo
[Alicia:]
My oh, My oh, My oh, My oh, My Boo
[Chorus:]
[Usher:]
It started when we were younger
You were mine my boo
Now another brother's taken over
But its still in your eyes my boo
Even though we used to argue it's alright
I know we haven't seen each other
In a while but you will always be my boo
[Alicia & Usher:]
I don't know bout cha'll
But I know about us and uh
It's the only way
We know how to rock
I don't know bout cha'll
But I know about us and uh
It's the only way
We know how to rock
Shu Ling Estrella @ 3:20 AM ~*~ |
**~~**~*~*~~*~*~~*~*~*~**~~*~*~*~*~~**~~**
Song of The Day
"Fallen"
Sarah McLachlan
Heaven bend to take my hand
And lead me through the fire
Be the long awaited answer
To a long and painful fight
Truth be told I've tried my best
But somewhere along the way
I got caught up in all there was to offer
And the cost was so much more than I could bear
Though I've tried, I've fallen...
I have sunk so low
I have messed up
Better I should know
So don't come round here
And tell me I told you so...
We all begin with good intent
Love was raw and young
We believed that we could change ourselves
The past could be undone
But we carry on our backs the burden
Time always reveals
The lonely light of morning
The wound that would not heal
It's the bitter taste of losing everything
That I have held so dear.
I've fallen...
I have sunk so low
I have messed up
Better I should know
So don't come round here
And tell me I told you so...
Heaven bend to take my hand
Nowhere left to turn
I'm lost to those I thought were friends
To everyone I know
Oh they turn their heads embarassed
Pretend that they don't see
But it's one missed step
One slip before you know it
And there doesn't seem a way to be redeemed
Though I've tried, I've fallen...
I have sunk so low
I have messed up
Better I should know
So don't come round here
And tell me I told you so...
Shu Ling Estrella @ 3:13 AM ~*~ |
**~~**~*~*~~*~*~~*~*~*~**~~*~*~*~*~~**~~**
Saturday, April 02, 2005
reality check: i need to be more careful with my words. heh.
simple happiness: sitting at genki sushi with two great girl pals(pat and cat) and chatting no-end. ok rather, my 2 talkative gal pals were just chattering away(they can talk the sky down i tell ya) and tired me just settled back listening to their chatter in a peaceful manner. it's great to be ppl u love, and i havent met pat for ages!! dint realise how much i miss her till i saw her. my dearest gal pal is nourished in love and glowing with it. haha. it's great to see her so happy and so in love.
reality check: 2 essays due monday. status: undone.
simple happiness: looking forward to meeting up with frens next week. dun wanna stay hidden in my hole for too long and think thgs to death. heh.
and for now, just wanna take thgs slowly one at a time. slowly.
Shu Ling Estrella @ 10:32 PM ~*~ |
**~~**~*~*~~*~*~~*~*~*~**~~*~*~*~*~~**~~**
Friday, April 01, 2005
my net group is having a "Big Bang!" outing for our contacts on 16th april, tentatively 1-5pm at sembawang park. we'll be cycling and having ice-cream. after that anyone is welcome to join us at "The Edge", the youth service. all expenses paid for.
please contact me if interested.:)
Shu Ling Estrella @ 1:00 AM ~*~ |
**~~**~*~*~~*~*~~*~*~*~**~~*~*~*~*~~**~~**
|
