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Saturday, January 20, 2007
i made my decision already.. what i need now is to stand through firm and unwavering, and know that those who care abt me and know me support me..
already i can feel the opinions of others banging down on me, and what i need to do is not to bother too much, even if it is hard. maybe it is the feeling of wanting to be recognised and reassured, but rite now, i guess my sanity still matters the most.
so guys, if u sppt me, gimme a hug wun u?:)
Shu Ling Estrella @ 1:11 AM ~*~ |
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Monday, January 15, 2007
mediocre workings of life
am leading a very mediocre kind of life now.. though my days are filled with work, mainly society stuff, i feel as though the work is very methodical and somehow a little lifeless. i am motivated to work because i have the responsibility and obligations towards the work and the people, but it is somehow not really coming from my heart at all.. sighz.. am i really happy is the question i keep asking myself these days..
and then tonight, my Social Worker-in-making's side is tested when my family is thrown with a seemingly small but bothersome problem.. i say seemingly small now cos after talking to my cousin, it is really the kind of little prob that all families run into.. somehow i jus wish we dun have to play "good angels" all the time.. whh leads me to this question in my heart: am i really cut out to be a Social Worker? Theres so much i have to learn abt how to handle human relationships and balance of emotions and work and stuff and all.. and given my abilities, can i really do it? and who picks a Social Worker up when s/he falls under pressure?
this is gonna be another challenge this semester i know.. and i hope i can overcome it, and reach my answers soon.. every semester has always managed to unravel its mysteries for me by the end.. or at a point in time. I jus have to await and see what kind of challenge i am thrown this time, and go on with it..
on a sidenote, met my stabiliser-cum-miracle medicine-cum-happy medicine yest, grace.. spent an entire day with her.. and my emotions are stabilised more for the moment. thanks babe!! wad wud i do without u? we spent an entire day eating and shopping at our old JC-fave hangouts, Heeren's and Far East.. whh we haven't been to in ages haha.. i bought a new top and a headband and a cute Kiki & Lala wallet.. Grace managed to dig out some good buys too.. and she literally "pounced" on every shop that sells earrings ever since she got her ears pierced ahahah.. u r rite gal, u r my 'greediest' fren.. we stopped every few hours for a food break.. and for the first time since i know her, im amazed at the amt of food she can enjoy in this span of time.. subway for me and bee hoon for her for lunch, milk tea and thick peanut butter and choc toast at Full House at Far East for Break 1, Delifrance's canapes and espresso for Break 2, Korean food at Far East Square for dinner ending with drinks at TCC Cafe.. haha... grace is one true-blue foodie.. babe, thanks for a wonderful day and for intro'ing me to korean food (sorrie i was so bad at handling the spiciness!) and i look forward to the next time i see ya again!! grinz
that's all for updates for now.. other than a positively bright Saturday, the rest of the days look abit bleak to me for now.. till i find my answers folks, do bear with a grumpy, not so good-tempered shuling for now.. u guys love me rite? so pls bear with me if i growl at u.. if not, pls steer clear of my way... cos i dun thk i have the strength in me now to smile much or play a silly clown or even to entertain ppl..
Shu Ling Estrella @ 12:55 AM ~*~ |
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Sunday, January 07, 2007
updates and last batch of photos of 2006
"Welcome To My Life"
Simple Plan
Do you ever feel like breaking down?
Do you ever feel out of place?
Like somehow you just don't belong
And no one understands you
Do you ever wanna run away?
Do you lock yourself in your room?
With the radio on turned up so loud
That no one hears you screaming
No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels all right
You don't know what it's like
To be like me
To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life
Do you wanna be somebody else?
Are you sick of feeling so left out?
Are you desperate to find something more?
Before your life is over
Are you stuck inside a world you hate?
Are you sick of everyone around?
With their big fake smiles and stupid lies
While deep inside you're bleeding
No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels all right
You don't know what it's like
To be like me
To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life
No one ever lied straight to your face
And no one ever stabbed you in the back
You might think I'm happy but I'm not gonna be okay
Everybody always gave you what you wanted
You never had to work it was always there
You don't know what it's like, what it's like
To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like (what it's like)
To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life
Welcome to my life
Welcome to my life
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There are times this teenagish-angsty song appeals to me.. esp when i want to "fa xie".. i'll jus shut myself in my room and sing out loud to it... or blast it on my iPod.. theres nth like music to soothe u or to sing out to ur heart when u feel a certain way..
here's my last batch of collages of pics for 2006.. and i hence welcome the new year of 2007 (tho im already one week late heh)
This is a collage i did of my mugging period.. i hibernated at home most of the time, as u can see from the mess on my table and the home-cooked food.. i made myself alot of home-cooked food when i was muggin at home.. haha too lazy even to go out to get food.. mostly its boiled veggies with oyster sauce, omelette, Dodo's instant mee thye mak or mostly, my fave porridge with Marmite sauce and carrots!! it's a childhood's favourite for me! other than tt, gracie came my house once to study, and a couple of other times, i wud actually lug mu lazy butt out of the house to study with my OCBC buddies, sha and zheyan.. see how 'hardworking' we are hahaah..
this is kinda my 'first' outing after the exams.. haha with janey and zheyan.. and it's cos zheyan wanted the break from his courseworks.. we went KTV-ing and janey came up with this idea of making funny faces instead of the usual 'say-cheese'. quite a good attempt we had of funny faces i say..
L-R: surprised, greedy, angry, act-cute
the next couple of outings i have is with my family in the hols.. shopping at the christmas sale and immersing in th whole christmassy mood heh.. this is a collage of mum, ying, feng and me in Shangrila's Hotel enjoying the international buffet at The Line cafe. We had such a good celebration of ying's bday owing to Aunty B's generosity.. she left us some money and some Shangrila's vouchers to spend on for Ying's bday dinner, else we would not be able to afford this ultra-expensive and luxurious but very-worth-it buffet dinner. when i say international buffet, it's really international. i dint manage to tk pics of the entire place as it was very crowded, but this place is the best buffet place i been to.. food stations scattered over with each station offering a diffnt cuisine. i enjoyed the soup noodles which were done in a flavourful chicken's broth of whh we persuaded the chef to let us choose our own ingredients, so i had extra servings of sotong balls and quail's eggs!heh and the mini cold crab claws from the Jap section especially.. i cant remember offhand now the other dishes i tried.. but these two are my favourite.. there were italian, chinese, japanese, even local stuff like indian... and the thg is, it wasn't just abundance of food, but the quality of food was great as well.. my sisters and mum were v pleased with the buffet and ying even declared it her all-new favourite buffet!! haah
this are a couple of desserts from the dessert section.. this is ying's fave section.. the desserts were plentiful and decadent.. and very beautifully made.. the one on the left is my 'own' creation. chocolate crepes with choc chip ice-cream and a custard puff! oooh!! i was on a sugar high after tt i tell ya... and the second pic are a couple of tiramsu or choc mousse, ying and feng's fave..
this marked the end of 2006 for me.. i dint have the chance to go out much these hols, only met flo once, grace once and zitian as well.. the rest of the time were dedicated to society work.. i dint even had the time to accomplish all i wanted to these hols, such as setting up an ebay acct to sell clothes i cleared out of my wardrobe and help my my cousin to sell her First Day Cover and coin collection, nor even the time to set up my sylvanian website.. i dint even have the time to arrange all of them out, only a couple here and there when i can spare the time... plus am not even helpin my cousin as much now in her work... it wasn't really a rest period for me these hols.. mostly i'm blue cos i'm unable to spend as much time with my loved ones as i like..
However, all in all 2006 was a good year for me. i'm glad i made the decision to go back to school at the beginning of the year.. and my decision to take up Social Work as a major.. and my relationships with my family had improved tremendously and my friendships with some had grown deeper. i'm happy for the new friendships i made as well.. hopefully 2007 will bring a whole new meaning to my life and be a good year as well..
Shu Ling Estrella @ 12:34 AM ~*~ |
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for you...
"You Get Me"
Michelle Branch
So I'm a little left of center
I'm a little out of tune
Some say I'm paranormal
So I just bend their spoon
Who wants to be ordinary
In a crazy, mixed-up world
I don't care what they're sayin'
As long as I'm your girl
Hey, you are on my side
And they, they just roll their eyes
You get me
When nobody understands
You come and take the chance, baby
You get me
You look inside my wild mind
Never knowing what you'll find
And still you want me all the time
Yeah, you do
Yeah, you get me
So what if I see the sunshine
In the pouring rain
Some people think I'm crazy
But you say it's okay
You've seen my secret garden
Where all of my flowers grow
In my imagination
Anything goes
I, I am all you want
They, they just read me wrong
You get me
When nobody understands
You come and hold my hand, baby
You get me
You look inside my wild mind
Never knowing what you'll find
Still you want me all the time
Yeah, you do
'Cause you get me
Hey, you are on my side
They, they just roll their eyes
Yeah, yeah, yeah
'Cause you get me
When nobody understands
You come and take the chance, baby
You get me
When none of the pieces fit
You make sense of it
You get me
You look inside my wild mind
Never knowing what you'll find
And still I want you all the time
Yeah, I do
'Cause you get me
Yeah, oh, yeah, oh
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hey gracie babe this song is for u.. thanks for listening to me that night.. and the warm cyber hugs... U really do get me.. and wad i was thkg and want. thank you for understanding me more than i do myself really at times like this.. im sorry i hadnt had the time lately to hang out properly with u.. making ya wait like a "silly duckling" heh.. really do miss u man.. and the stabiliser u provide in my somewhat crazed life now.. u r really my miracle medicine!! and i cant wait to see ya again next sat!! till then, hugs and promise to tk care of urself yupz?
Shu Ling Estrella @ 12:24 AM ~*~ |
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