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Sunday, March 20, 2005
Over-giving
"Overgiving-where you put others ahead of you to the extent where your needs are not addressed, your time and energy are sapped and you feel inwardly resentful-is not an action driven by the positive outlook of sharing and offering of your personal resources. Surprisingly, over-giving usually stems from a low self-esteem and insecurity. It is when you don't feel so sure about why people should like you as you are, or see what you as a person, friend, other half... have to offer that inspires the need to please others too much. By making others happy, you may unconsciously-or consciously-think that it is a way to win others to your side."
i was reading the april issue of Seventeen(which my 3rd sis bought from 7-11 so she can get that Hello Kitty magnet collectible) and i came across this article, entitled "are you an over-giver?" i was really v shocked to find how much of myself i found in the article, could really relate to it. i guess some of yall can too. if any of yall are interested, i can lend you the article. the article goes on to explore of this phenomena entitled "over-giving" and how over-givers behave and others' responses to them, which mostly amounted to being "smothering" and "bossy" and having no ideas of their own. in short these are the people who come across as very caring and giving people who are actually too afraid to lose the people in their lives and hence do all they can to please people, whilst inwardly they feel resentful for the way they are feeling and they crave recipocration of some form.
i must say i realise i have suffered from this very long, especially towards friends i have grown very close to. i keep pushing myself to be like them, to adopt their thinking, to do what they like, to do things to make them happy, whether they are happy or sad. in short, my life was spent thinking of ways to get even closer to them by doing things i think they would approve of. if they wanted to watch a certain movie, i wun dare suggest another one. if they feel very strongly about an issue, i seldom repute it and usually end up agreeing with it and convince myself that i am of that thinking too. in these few weeks when i actually had some time to myself, i thought back and realise that never was there once where i have really sat down and think to myself what do i want? who i really am? in fact i discover to my horror, i dun even know who i am. i still don't. i cun even name a single quality of myself that i call my own and that i am proud of. i have lived and leeched on others for the past 20 years of my life.
i really hope that from now on, now that i discovered my problem, to be able to overcome it and have "me-time", as the magazine put it aptly. my dearest friends, especially those who have walked so long with me, i hope i can continue to walk this journey with yall. my new friends, i hope that my quirks and eccentricities and weaknesses wun frighten yall off. i guess a lot of times, it takes tests of this sort to tell us who are the ones who are truly the friends who are willing to walk till the end of the road with you.
Shu Ling Estrella @ 3:01 AM ~*~ |
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