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Tuesday, March 22, 2005
a new me?
i hv had that talk with grace. clearly simin cun find a couple hrs to spare to talk. oh well. i reserve my comments on tt for now. but clearly there's stuff i wish to say whh i dun wan to write now.
anw, feelings after the talk?
blank. really. not sad. not happy.
maybe bleeding a little inside cos after all it was once a special bond.
dun get me wrong. we dint part badly(ok im so making this sound like a relationship---but dun u guys mistake me as a lesbian like her bro and simin have---i'm not.). we are adults after all. we had a v civil talk, dint rule out the impossibility of friendship, but yet both know sth's lost.
i shall not start blamin myself again.
shall not.
i shall not even wallow in self-pity as i'm too inclined to.
i'm gonna be strong.
and know that what has happened wasn't my fault.
know that in the midst of it all, i still have great friends who care.
will find friends who understand me and love and accept me as i am.
like jiaying said tonite, since i know whats the prob, i shun question too much to make myself miserable. and tt it takes two hands to clap. whether it is salvaged or not, i knew i did my best. and no more. i wun keep yearning for sth tts outta my reach. cos the one's suffering is always me.
i shall be kinder to myself.
it will start today.
shuling will resurface.
Shu Ling Estrella @ 1:48 AM ~*~ |
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